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Would You Like a Free Brochure? August 24, 2009

Posted by Charith in Life experience.
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I would have posted this last night, but other obligations took priority unfortunately. However, that aside, it’s time for a fun-packed adventure. Don’t leave your lunches on the counter, as this may leave you feeling just a tad bit peckish.

Let me take a look at that cut sinside your house/s

Let me take a look at that cut (inside your house)

Believe me when I say that I did not intend on finding a picture of an Asian girl. I just wanted something loosely relevant to what I’m talking about and was lazy in my search for visual content. My sincerest apologies to anyone who’s getting sick of the Asian-related content here. Now, it’s time for the show to start!

Last night, just after some guests had arrived at my house, no later than 30 seconds after closing and locking the front door to my house, did I hear the doorbell ring. I walked into the foyer, quite baffled as to who would be waiting on the other side. I opened the door and to my absolute terror, horror and disgust delight, was warmly greeted by two Mormons (I looked at the possible spelling corrections and saw ‘morons’ – my thoughts exactly) clad in rather spiffing salesperson-quality attire.

The first thing that comes to mind when the short, blonde haired American man introduced, rather eloquently may I add, “Hi, Are you familiar with the word of God?”

At this, my heart sank and any previous kinky thoughts deserted my mind. I’ve never been a huge fan of door-to-door salesman, let alone religious/cultist missionaries. Talking to them just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. There’s only so much that chewing gum and mouthwash can do. Well I, being the cunning character that I am, made an attempt to call their bluff, replying, “Oh yeah, I attend a church nearby.”

No such luck. The lead, short-haired, antagonist went on to question me about what the name of the church was, what type of church it was and asked me many a “He whom we love, adore and throw money to worship” question. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

While I was engaged in a fierce battle of wills with Blondie, Brown-Eyes was sizing us up individually. [Insert announcer’s voice] In the red corner, residing from somewhere in the United States of America, we have – BLOOONDIIIEEE! And in the blue corner, defending his title on his home ground (quite literally) – Deft… MONKEEYYYYY!!! Or something to that gist.

Brown-Eyes was like the typical crony in-training who has not yet re-affirmed their belief in the organisation. His sugar daddy, Blondie, did it for him the first time when he stuck his tongue in an ear, putting to some use his versatile snake qualities. Now, it was up to junior to decide, trying to decide whose words made more sense.

Just as I was about to break Lil’ B-E’s mental barrier, crafty Blondie whipped out his trump card – the planner. He had an air about him of someone who’d practised the action to perfection in front of a bathroom mirror. Sickening, yet strangely mesmerizing. I could feel the Forces of Evil starting to invade my territory.

Gasping for whatever uncontaminated air I could get, I made excuse upon excuse to not make an appointment and then, rather smoothly, dropped by a, “Sorry I’m pretty busy, but do you have a brochure that I could have?”

My lopsided grin that evening melted two hearts.

Deft-Monkey – 1

Mormons – 0

– Deft

Let me take a look at that cut sinside your house/s

Let me take a look at that cut inside your house

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Comments»

1. Another Soul - August 25, 2009

She is infinitely hot D:

Another Soul - August 25, 2009

They’re all fuckin’ Asian, what difference does it make.

2. Another Soul - August 25, 2009

Hehe. I lol. Considering your obsession with SNSD ?
And you’re ridiculously high standards ? No, fuck off.


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