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Quit running over my dog. August 27, 2009

Posted by Geo in Uncategorized.

NOTE: what I’m going to post about is going to make me look like a superhypocrite so just bare with me and just agree as if I was some other person that isn’t me. I apologise for any mishappening statements made in this.

So. Hoons. Don’t know what they are? You really should read the newspaper more. Hoon is basically Aussie slang for street-racers, kind of like the ones you see in movies like Fast and Furious only hoons are a bit more stupid and don’t have a whole team of stunt coordinates watching their every move and action. Hoons sure do like their cars as bulky and fancy as possible. Infact, most hoons nowadays prefer to just make their car SOUND good rather than actually give it some sort of performance modification be it good or bad.

Generally you’d find hoons all over the place but mainly at night. You’ll see them drive past you in the streets relentlessly overtaking everyone, but sometimes you’ll come across the nice hoon who will obey the law and keep the speed limit.. Up until the traffic light turns green and he floors it. Wanker.

You see, my problem with hoons nowadays is a certain respect for the law they don’t have. I may not have the perfect rapsheet here, but honestly, give people a chance to drive and feel safe about it. The main problem is when they try show-off but don’t want people to think they’re showing off and just acting all cool and calm about it. Let’s divide this up a bit. 50% of hoons you’ll see/hear have real performance modifications done to their car. Maybe adding a turbo or supercharger, redoing the exhaust system or getting a bigger engine. But then there are those tryhard hoons (as if it wasn’t bad enough), when they just put the most stupid shit on their car. There’s a certain part you can buy from Repco, Autobarn etc. called a blow-off valve sound. You basically attach it to the end of your exhaust pipe and when a large amount of exhaust passes through, it makes a sound similar to a turbo. Or so you would think.

The manner in which hoons choose to disobey the law would be fine if they did it a legal event or on a track/course. But rather, they speed through our quiet main roads in the middle of the night waking everyone up and their pets which in turn wakes more people up. Even if it is dark and all and the road is clear, just seriously take it easy. You never know when the rozzers are around the corner waiting to pick you up and crush your $80,000 car.

Sometimes hoons drive the most stupid cars ever but think they still look cool in it. Honestly, how can you drive a fucking Hyundai Getz and get away with you looking like a real man? It’s like grinding fish and calling it chicken, you just can’t get away with it. And if you do, well the people who think their car is cool, you need to see a therapist. Then of course are the hoons with a real man’s car. Hell, even a V8 supercharged Commodore would appeal to an importer-lover like me. Just so long as it’s not the pussiest shit ever and it can actually run to 100km/h in under a  minute. That’s the basic prerequisite you would expect. Even a base Lancer VRX would be a nice car to show off in.

Now I’m beginning to feel particularly bad about beating around illegal speed-demons of Sydney so I’ll just go to sleep.




1. Deft-Monkey - August 28, 2009

“Up until the traffic light turns green and he floors it. Wanker.” Nice, I love that line.

Interesting post, given that I know next-to-nothing about cars, but suffice to say, I have tried called ground fish, chicken. I had everyone going until someone with a seafood/fish allergy came and spoiled all the fun. As if they couldn’t have just toughed it out.

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