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Leave My Mother Out of This September 4, 2009

Posted by Charith in News.

And yes, keep your ‘this’ out of my mother as well. I always have to be prepared for idiocy you see. My principle – crush it while it’s still premature.

In recent news, or so we classify it nowadays, parents and grandparents are crying out to the government to place a total ban on high caffeine content energy drinks. The New South Wales State Government claim that they’ve put forward a proposal to have a ban enforced, which would mean that, by law, no shop owner or vendor can stock and sell energy drinks such as Mother, Red Bull, Rockstar, Samedi and XTC (how appropriate) to name a few.

So what’s all the commotion about then? Well, for those of you who enjoy an energy ‘hit’ once in a while, or maybe a few times daily as is often the case, the demographic that you want to be focusing your hate lasers upon is that of the younguns.

Now by that I refer to those real prepubescent kids who are probably roughly the size of a can of Mother anyway. These bug-eyed parasites have the inability to handle the greater than average caffeine content. Yes, for those of you who have forgotten, caffeine is indeed a drug. But hey, so is paracetamol (aspirin to my friends of the northern hemisphere) and I don’t see how it is of a lesser threat than a few cans of V.

Several people overdose on paracetamol and various other pills so that they may die without leaving blood stains on the bed sheets, carpet and walls. However, no one has taken them off shelves and they don’t seem to be ready to change their minds any time soon. Many would argue that pain killers do more good than bad, but then smoking does more harm than it does to benefit us (seriously – what benefit?) and yet it is still quite legal.

Oh, parents, parents, parents – when will you learn? You cannot consider your 15 – 19 year old children to be the equivalent of some kid who has barely stopped wearing diapers. It is a sin against nature and we won’t stand for it! You could always take the obvious course of action and just carry out a study on how much energizing liquid people of different ages can safely handle. Or even better, just put an age requirement of 15+ years. Energy drinks are like the alcohol for people too young to drink it (although many still drink the booze regardless of the law) and no matter what is done, they will find a way to get their hands on some. Personally, I think that bootlegging sounds like one hell of a treat.

I don’t even know why I made this post – it should have been Geo’s. If his mother’s breasts produced Mother instead of milk, he’d still be latched onto her chest. As disturbing a thought as that is, with her being significantly shorter than her son, one can’t help but believe it to be true. They might even consider themselves in his place, but let us not get too graphic. She could be the real ‘Mother of energy hits’ and what a merry-go-round of fun it would be.

Sorry buddy, beat me to it next time.

Credits: http://www.nataliedee.com/archives/2006/Apr/

– Deft



1. Another Soul - September 4, 2009

Agreed. I shall slaughter all the premature babies while they are … uh … premature.

2. anon - September 4, 2009

paracetamol ≠ aspirin

Deft-Monkey - September 4, 2009

Oops, my bad. Do enlighten me then as to the equivalents.

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