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Baby Got Back November 8, 2009

Posted by Charith in Observations.

Rich, luscious hair that would be lighter than a dove’s feather upon your face. It possesses a natural sheen the induces a swell of warmth within your pants heart. The hair is but only the beginning of the painting’s journey. Your eyes follow the long strands of hair like vectors before branching out to trace the delicate outline of the shoulders. The skin pertains to it a certain summer glow that makes you feel feverish. However the illness is welcomed, with one shapely curve after another attempting to bombard your senses. You shake your head from one side to the other, struggling to regain self control, only to be deterred even further from your desired destination. Why so pale? Oh, yes, the colour on those long, slender legs really makes one ponder the significance of having their own when perfection is oh-so far away. As your body temperature rises at an immeasurable rate, your vision blurs dangerously.

It’s really just as well. The painting is double-sided.

Well, he was kind of beautiful so I... (No homo)

It’s a pain experienced by many survived by few that can leave some pretty down right nasty scars etched into your memory banks. The only upside is that now no one will try to rob you (ha-ha). The mental damage is negligible in comparison to the toll taken on the eyes. This is the reason why I have to wear glasses now!

Indeed, many women possess this quality. The simplest way to describe it to you would be by using the term that Geo so graciously allowed me to use, modify and freely distribute as I please. “Vat be zis term?” I hear you say? Well, if you could just stop trying to be French, I’d be a lot more agreeable in answering.

Burning Frenchmen aside, Geo and myself have coined this strictly female feature as ABS, an acronym for Asian Back Syndrome. Now you may call my racially discriminative and you might even have a point, but hear me out first.

This could very well be up to conjecture, but in my opinion, Asian women have the lowest maintenance frameworks in terms of the proportional majority. From my own careful and slightly creepy observations, I’ve noticed that this race, by [general] nature, are made with balanced proportions. Just like Barbie dolls. Despite the common lack in height, Asian girls often have shapely, toned legs, slender waistlines, light (apparent weight – no physics, please) arms, gently defined shoulders and, quite honestly, absolutely gorgeous heads of silky hair. Silky might be an exaggeration, but hey, it’s what I do.

Now, the problem is a combination of two worlds. While being visually stunning with blu-ray quality to boot from behind, many of these femme fatales, so to speak, can make one’s jaw drop with unexpected force when they turn around. I’ve heard stories of boys who cried themselves to sleep after such an encounter during the previous day. On our part, it’s shallow and quite hurtful to women everywhere, but we have feelings too and it’s foul play to go deceiving simpletons such as ourselves with your games.

So up to this point, I’ve basically been labeling the average Asian female as something sinister. I’d like to introduce the idea to any displeased parties that ABS is not restricted to one region of the world. Quite to contrary! While most cases are indeed of the Orient, there are several Caucasian and dark-skinned individuals. However, they are but apprentices to the level of mastery attained by Asian women.

As I am somewhat fatigued, I’ll be abrupt. If there’s some technique to it, I’d like to learn. Otherwise, for the time being, with the gathered research, there is but one possible reason to Asian Back Syndrome – “I got it from my mama.”

– Deft



1. Geo - November 8, 2009

You did it. I love you.

2. Deft-Monkey - November 9, 2009

Just so that I don’t continue to have my sexuality questioned, yes, the picture does have some relevance to the post. If you’d kindly ignore the topless-ness, do direct your eyes to the contrasting features which are symbols for duality.

Or something to that gist anyway. In any case, those ABS girls are hiding something on the other side…

3. Seng Aun - November 9, 2009

I’m very sure you’re not alone in this, my friend. My buddy and I had one too many bad experiences with this theory you proposed, but we never falter and cry. We just made categories for these kinda girls so we know what we’re talking about. Sorta like morse code, just that it’s verbal. Anyhow, I have to agree with this theory, ABS. Crispy from the back, soggy at the front. It’s a sad truth.

4. christopher lemmer - November 10, 2009

lol i hate that specially when u think u see a milf.. and ABS? Antilock Braking System? i’ll show you ABS boy!!!

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