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Curious? Got Cravings?

Got any questions for us? Any requests for something that you’re just dying for us to make a post about? Maybe you just want to send us a hateful message?

Whatever the case, here’s where you should do it. We’ll try to be prompt in getting back to all of your posts, so don’t ever hesitate to scratch that itch in the back of your head. Your wishes are more or less our command, and we’ll make a solid effort (or so I’m hoping) to fulfil them to your satisfaction!

A new addition – submit your competition entries here as this is where we’ll be looking for them!



1. alishamazing (; - September 4, 2009

am i the first to comment.

if so, i’m fantastic.

2. The Voice Inside your Head that Says Things when you Read Stuff - March 7, 2010

Some people like to stroke leopards. Others don’t. All I can say is Either Shit or Get Out of the Kitchen. That’s my first (1st) piece of advice to you.

Secondly, I’d like to say something, anything really, about the environment. But I’m afraid I’m rather busy at the moment and don’t have enough time for that.

My third advisory aspect is slightly more infinitesimal. It is hardly even worth mentioning. In fact, I would love to think that there were frillions of protestors outside my residence, each equipped with a placard smeared with a tremendously rude slogan, petitioning, albeit unkindly, for the conservation of web space by excluding this infinitesimally important third aspect of wariness from this particular publication. Yes indeed, I would love to think that.

The fourth aspect of which you, beautiful patient reader, should beware of, is the large circular cavity in the lower middle part of your face. It is prone to letting oxygen in and carbon dioxide out which could, at some point in your future, be proven to have brought you closer to your already impending death. This must be stopped. Moreover, this minute crevice-like facial facet features a flexible, soft, pink and serpentine implement which enables the discernment of the flavour of flavoured ice-creams and the saltiness of salted peanuts and so on. This too must be stopped. And in order for this to happen we give you two viable options: 1) The hacking off of this flexible, soft, pink and serpentine implement or 2) The careful avoidance of flavoured ice-creams and salted peanuts. But whatever choice you make, and it is an easy choice; beware: This implement is highly dangerous and perilous beyond imagining, for it sometimes, though not often, is a vital tool in causing gastroendothermal and bowel-related issues and cancers. You have been warned.

And finally, beware of the Armageddon. But before that, beware of the First Mass Extermination, which, if you’re lucky, would already have happened, meaning that you are nicely positioned within the higher echelons of the Great Chain of Being. Or Natural Selection, as some morons prefer to call it. Moron. But even before that, beware of your GP. He could be prescribing you medicine.

So cheerio chaps! It’s been real. You can now proceed with your life carefree and without worry. There shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of since everything to be aware of has been conveniently covered in this nice little piece. Just don’t breathe and you should be fine.

And in case you’re wondering – and I know you are – yes, this is in the right place, titmothers.

Deft-Monkey - March 9, 2010

Why thank you for your enthralling comment. Importance to me is the equivalent of zero, but that’s how I like the posts that I read.

I really didn’t wonder why you posted this here, I’m actually rather enthused by the fact that someone bothered to post something that required effort here. For that, I thank you, kind stranger, who’s probably less anonymous than meets the eye.

The Voice Inside your Head that Says Things when you Read Stuff - March 11, 2010

Let’s just say I like to stroke leopards. I like it fine.

Effort is such a relative thing, Deft-Monkey. It comes to me much the same way reason doesn’t. But you can still be enthused about it. I like that fine too.

3. O: - March 10, 2010

You just divided by zero.
My God.

Deft-Monkey - March 11, 2010

Yes Facial, that’s how we should all roll, my friend.

4. ajsid - May 23, 2010

watch yourself cunt cause ur starting to piss some powerful people off and im not afraid to come after you and fuck everyone up around you

Deft-Monkey - May 25, 2010

Yum, I love powerful people.

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